Open Up

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't 

they come from your desires that battle within you?"

James 4:1

     I used to have anger management problems.  I'd get angry, frustrated, upset, mad and then after a while, these emotions overcame me and led to screaming, fighting, throwing stuff, punching whatever I could get my hands on, etc.  I'd get to the point where I literally would use my older brother as a punching bag, and even when he fought back, I couldn't feel any of the pain.  As I grew in my relationship with the LORD, I started to realize I couldn't hold my emotions in like this anymore and I had to start opening up about stuff.

     I like to think I've gotten over that behavior (I haven't beaten up my brother in years, hahaha), but I realized it's not so much the behavior I needed to worry about, it was everything that was going on inside of me.  I've never been good about opening up, about sharing my emotions, being vulnerable, letting people know I'm human.  And even though I don't become a crazed psychopath anymore, I still let this get the best of me.  I sometimes outwardly will snap at people, but it's more of all the stuff going on inwardly.  

   I begin to get angry at a person, something they do or say, or upset with a situation, or whatever it may be.  And I keep it to myself.  Then I start getting prideful inside thinking I'm better than them, that I wouldn't do that, or I know a better way.  It's very easy for me to blame all this on someone else, but what the LORD has been showing me is James 4:1, "what causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?"  I've realized it doesn't matter what other people do or say, any anger or resentment inside of me that leads to this is my fault.  I have to open up to that person, be honest about how I feel and don't allow whatever it is, no matter how big or small, to cause me to sin.

     It's nothing too profound, but I challenge you to think of that person you're upset with, that person you're holding a grudge against.  And then look inside yourself.  What is it in you that is causing these feelings?  You'll be amazed at what God shows you about yourself and how much you can grow and change from this.

-Sean Fryer